DISCLAIMER! I own none of the animes mentioned nor any of the others soon to be added.

WARNINGS! Slight OOCness, God-bashing, possible Marysue alert! Che'.

'.' .'. '.' .'. '.' .'. '.'

Seguchi Touma rules the universe.

Oh, and do not be tricked into thinking he created the universe just because he rules it. There was this screw up that called himself "God"- he liked to drink himself silly and unfortunately for the blackness that he magically manifested himself into, he had powers. Which of course got out of hand while creating the universe since he liked to drink himself silly, thus also creating the many idiots you and I try to murder day after day. So thankfully our real savior came and had his ass shot.

So anyway, back to our story-

Despite the fact that the universe probably has a bajillion races and planets in all the solar systems of the rapidly expanding universe that he rules, Touma focus his attention to the labeled "Human" galaxy, letting all the rest be destroyed or whatever. This human galaxy consists of a few planets surrounded by even fewer colonies (uh, sort of like their moons). Each planet has a ruler- their king, president, whatever you want to call it- that report directly to Touma, and each colony has a ruler that reports to the ruler of the planet they're nearby.

While Touma is quite intelligent indeed, he also has a bit of a freaky side (I mean, he pushed Aizawa in front of a car! Not that the bastard didn't deserve it though. And that smile. YOU know. THAT smile). It shows in his choice of planet leaders. But we'll get more in-depth with that soon. Right now let's peek in on a meeting Touma-sama is having with his planet leaders in his big huge palace on his private moon.

"I've called you all here," The Ruler of the universe, Seguchi Touma himself, began importantly, "to discuss a few very pressing matters, one of which had recently come to my attention when Ryuuichi," motioned to the somber-looking ruler, "dared to interrupt my, er...playtime...with Eiri-san...-ahem-"

"It was HORRIBLE Touma!" Planet Leader Ryuu-chan whined, "I just wanted to get a doughnut for Kumagoro and then they JUMPED on me!"

"Yes yes, you've told me already." He tried to quiet the now wailing 31-year-old with little success, so he turned his attention back to the others sitting around the large table, "The first problem I'm addressing is the rapid increase in fangirls moving to your respective planets."

Planet Leader Envy leaned forward on the nicely-carved wooden chair, which by this time he'd turned backwards, "Che', that's easily avoidable. Kill them."

"WHAT?" Ryuuichi screamed through his sobbing, "I can't KILL someone!"

"Fine then, just don't leave the house."

"But Kumagoro gets hungry..."

"You have servants to bring you food," Planet Leader Momiji chirped, "I have them bring me candy all the time! ^_______^"

"Oooh! Candy!"

Touma sighed.

Planet Leader Miroku then said, "-cough- I wouldn't mind ruling a planet full of beautiful women if they weren't so...how do I say...violent." He rubbed a spot on his head as to emphasize; a reminder of the last time he tried to leave his own palace.

"I agree with Envy, I think we should just kill them," Planet Leader Ran added boredly.

Touma smirked at him, "You don't really mean that, you're just frustrated. Envy actually means it."

"I've killed people before, why wouldn't I mean it?"

"You've never killed anyone before."

"Would you like me to start now?"

Planet Leader Gareas interjected here, "Well I think we should! Let's slay the bitches! ...OW!" he rubbed his face where he'd just been smacked by a suddenly airborne pink bunny.

"Profanity!" Ryuuichi reached across the table and grabbed Kumagoro, subsequently throwing it back, "Kumagoro Beam!"

"Ryuuichi, stop," Touma said firmly. Ryuu-chan quickly grabbed Kuma-chan again and hugged it tightly, quieting down.

Planet Leader Dark twirled a pencil around in one hand, seeming more interested in it than the conversation, "I don't see what the problem is at all. I welcome the fangirls."

Touma nodded, "I suppose you wou- Are you drawing on my table?"

Blinks. Hides pencil. "Um, no?"

"If you don't have a problem with it then why are you even here?" Gareas demanded. "Touma-sama's this close to kicking your ass out anyw-"

"Enough! This has gotten us nowhere. I do have a plan, if you're willing to listen. It ties in with the solution to the...second problem." He narrowed his eyes, "Gareas I do believe you...declared war our last meeting. Against Envy's planet."

"Yeah and I stand by it too!" He glares at Envy and stood, "You've ticked me off for the last time, you palm tree-haired skirt-wearing freak!"

"FOR THE LAST TIME IT'S NOT A SKIRT! And you have green hair too!" Envy stood up too, pointing an accusing finger at him from across the rather large table.

"At least it doesn't stick out in all directions!"

"YES IT DOES!"

"Well...IT STILL DOESN'T LOOK LIKE A PALM TREE!"

"IT WOULD IF IT WAS LONGER!" Envy took a deep breath, trying to regain his composure, "And only my half-brother can insult me and get away with his life. I accept your challenge! I'll beat you to a bloody pulp!"

"You and what army?"

Touma stood here, "I was getting to that. My solution to both problems...hire the fangirls as your armies."

"Are you insane!" Envy shouted, "Why have a war? We'll just get mauled to death by our troops!"

"But don't you see? The more interaction they have with you, the less they're be compelled to act crazy," he smirked smugly, nodding to himself, "Besides, what better warriors than people who are willing to die for you for no reason?"

All of the rulers present blinked and nodded, awe-inspired. "That's brilliant!"

Touma smiled, "And be sure to inform your subordinates of this plan as well. You are all dismissed."

The planet leaders left on their ships back to their respective planets and Touma went back to...playtime...with Eiri.